• Brand - Rustlers
• Spot - Chesney Hawkes & Peter Shilton: The Realistic Anthem
• Music Title - The Realistic Anthem
• Artist - Chesney Hawkes & Peter Shilton
• Master Rights - Eclectic Sounds
• Composer - Smith
• Publisher - Eclectic Sounds
• Ad Agency - Droga5
• Creative - Charlene Chandrasekaran, Dan Morris and others
• Film Co - Biscuit Filmworks
• Director - Big Red Button
• Post Production - The Play Room
• Air Date - 10/6/16

With neither sight nor sound of an official England tune to mark the Euro 2016 tournament, microwave burger kings Rustlers have stepped up to save the day.

Fielding Peter Shilton – England’s most capped goalkeeper ever – alongside one and only 1991 chart topper Chesney Hawkes, this wonderfully tongue-in-cheek Realistic Anthem spot also marks the screen debut of Colin Smith, of production music house Eclectic.

“Yes, that’s me sitting at the mixing desk,” admits the man better known in Soho for composing 30 second mini opuses for brands as varied as Johnny Walker whiskey, Honda cars and Bonne Maman jams.

“Everybody had to muck in on this because there was such a tight turnaround.”

England’s first game against Russia was barely a fortnight away when Smith was commissioned by agency Droga5 to write a full length song that would be partly parody and pastiche but also stand up in its own right beside past England football themes like World In Motion, Three Lions and Vindaloo.

Catchy singalong chorus apart, Rustlers Realistic Anthem is refreshingly different from other football songs because it assumes England is not going to win.

And unusually it only mentions the product in passing, which, according to Smith, “really helped.”

“I worked very closely with Droga5’s Dan Morris to make sure that the words and the tune really fitted together,” he continues., welcoming the opportunity to compose a three minute song rather than a 30 second sting.

“They then suggested Chesney who was great because he can sing really well so we didn’t have to re-record anything or change the key.”

But the spot’s true star is undoubtedly Peter Shilton.

In front of a pub full of crudely made-up and initially quizzical crusaders, the 67 year old delivers an awkwardly apologetic yet hugely amusing and affirming rap which compares the England team’s disappointing performances on the pitch with some of the country’s greatest scientific discoveries and breakthroughs.

These, he explains, range from the world wide web and jet engines to DNA sequencing and cats eyes. Not to mention Rustlers' "flame-grilled burgers you can cook in 90 seconds."

But the best is kept till last when, after pointing out that general anesthetics were also invented by an Englishman, Shilton proudly utters the sadly prescient words:

“So what does it matter if we can’t beat Slovakia? WE. BEAT. PAIN.”